I feel safe cutting myself and being depressed, but I just realized I'm ruining my life

I am quite literally destroying my own life, or at least that's what it feels like. I used to be such a good kid who was actually smart and positive all the time... I just hope graduation day comes by fast so I don't have to feel like I'm fucking everything up for myself. I've been seeking advice from Reddit, and very helpful advice, but I just can't seem to get myself back up. I can't actually put your advice into action. My friends probably think I'm straight up just stupid, I have definitely fucked up my parents mental, and I'm unwilling to get better. Everything just feels too real once I actually consider fixing myself, it's terrifying. I'm so used to being insanely depressed and giving up immediately, the thought of actually getting help is kind of scary. I'm so comfortable inside my own bubble, but I also don't like how it's ruining my life lmao. I'm not asking for advice this time, I just wanted to come to terms with this... But does anyone else feel this way?